One of my classmates from graduate school was invited to give a seminar at the university where I am partially employed. He was part of the social circle that I moved in for several years when I first moved to Wisconsin. His eventual wife was also a classmate and friend of mine. I remember commiserating after written prelims and other exams, being friendly rivals in classes, and even attending their wedding during those years of grad school, which were happy times for me.
My career has been somewhat of a disappointment to me, although I think by objective standards that I have done some good and important work. However, by many standards of success, especially those in academia, I would not be considered a shining star. I decided (or perhaps more accurately, realized) that a career as a professor was probably not something I wanted, and pursued a career in industry. In recent years, I have straddled the line between academia and industry, with much of my physical time being spent in the same university department where I did my graduate work. I'm reasonably sure no other than a very select few know what I do there.
I saw the seminar announcement a few weeks ago, and couldn't decide whether I should go or not. Sadly, I had not kept in touch with Andy or his wife since we went our separate ways, and hadn't seen them in almost 20 years. His seminar topic was not one that I was particularly interested in, and I wasn't sure I would even be able to follow it since my scientific expertise is not in that area.
Most of all I worried that I would feel like a failure in comparison with his success, and why should I subject myself to that? Perhaps I should go, and I would see he had aged badly, or wasn't able to give a coherent seminar. A little schadenfreude for me, maybe?
I kicked myself back into reality. While I may not be a tenured professor at a big university, like my old colleague was, how could I let my pride keep me from seeing an old friend and being happy for his success?
Andy gave a very good talk, well-organized, and understandable in both details and in the big picture. As I sat there in the lecture hall, I realized I was actually proud of him, and his accomplishments, and that I was very happy for him and for me as some one that knew him.
Afterward I went and said hello to him, and told him I enjoyed his talk. I was afraid he wouldn't remember me, but he did. I think he seemed happy to see me!
I'm glad I went. I'm pleased I was able to feel happiness in his success. And I'm happy to have had fond memories of my grad school days brought back for a short time.
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